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Creating a family is one of the greatest joys a couple can have, but gay and lesbian couples face unique challenges when they wish to become parents together. Gay & Lesbian Parenting Choices provides a complete explanation of the many ways gay or lesbian couples can create a family and the legal hoops they must jump through as part of the process. Written by an attorney in an-easy-to-understand style, this guide provides a comprehensive look at the options available to gay couples and offers advice and information on how best to proceed.

Different types of adoptions international, domestic agency, state agency, private, and facilitator-led are discussed, in addition to open versus closed adoptions. Special emphasis is paid to the considerations and concerns gay adoptive parents face, such as how to tell whether an agency is gay-friendly and whether both partners can adopt simultaneously or must use a two-part process. Advice is offered on finding an agency and dealing with the home study.

Gay & Lesbian Parenting Choices also considers the wide variety of assisted family-building choices, including donor sperm and insemination, egg donors and surrogates, as well as new technologies on the horizon. Consent laws, fertility procedures, choosing donors or surrogates, finding fertility clinics that are gay friendly, and advice about how to make sure your family is legally protected is also covered.

Other parenting options such as foster care and adopting your partner’s child are included, in addition to family protection measures such as wills and medical consents, getting cooperation from schools, finding support for your family, and talking about your family with your child.

This complete guide helps gay and lesbian prospective parents choose the path to parenthood that will work best for them and offers advice and support as they journey towards becoming a family.

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• ISBN13: 9780882822716
• Condition: New
• Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! BUY WITH CONFIDENCE, Over one million books sold! 98% Positive feedback. Compare our books, prices and service to the competition. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed

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Written by two experienced lesbian therapists and parents, this second completely revised edition of The Lesbian Parenting Book has been updated to reflect the contemporary cultural and political landscape, as well as current trends in parenting. Drawing on the real-life experiences of lesbian families and the latest information from family specialists, the authors present detailed, chapter-by-chapter information on each stage of parenthood and child development. New material includes information on circumcision, Internet safety, legal hoops for noncustodial parents, the facts about late-in-life pregnancies, moms working inside and outside of the home, and more. An essential text for every lesbian who is involved in-or considering-raising a family.

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How do children feel about their surrogate mother?
Do children need a father?
Parenting: What Really Counts? Examines the scientific evidence on what really matters for children’s healthy psychological development.
The first section considers whether it is necessary to have two parents, a father present, parents who have a genetic link with their child, or parents who are heterosexual. Section two explores the psychological processes that underlie optimal development for children, particularly the quality of the child’s relationship with parents, other family members and the wider social world. Contrary to common assumptions, Susan Golombok concludes that family structure makes little difference to children’s day-to-day experiences of life.

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Here are a few points that would help you understand the legal possibilities and difficulties of the gay and lesbian couples better, while adopting a child:

1. First we must understand that there are very few countries in the world where the same sex marriages as held legal. Some examples of these places are: Vermont, Massachusetts & California.

2. The most advisable though is to hide your sexuality in such cases.

3. Yet, another legal and fair advice is that one can apply for single parenting.

4. The other partner further applies as the domestic step parent or in simple terms the co-parent.

5. Here the legal rights of the co-parent are somewhat restricted, but they work out more on their personal relationships.

6. Though the studies have proved that children tend to get the same love and affection in a same sex family as compared to the other counterparts.

7. The parents’ being non-straight does not explain that the child won’t be straight as well.

8. Many lesbian & gay couples have now adopted children and proved so.

9. The legal rights of the co-parents include:

a. Knowing the where-abouts of all the important activities of the child’s life.
b. In case the couple splits away, the co-parent yet holds some rights.
c. He / She is allowed decide in all important matters like the medical treatment, educational purposes, etc.

10. In terms of parenting, both straight as well as non-straight parents want the best for their child.

11. In fact the children brought up by the same sex parents hold respect for people of varied cultures and learn to handle them better in their lives.

12. Yet, the outcome of the child being raised by the same sex home can not surely be defined, as it is a new concept and needs more research & studies.

13. Applying for adoption as a single parent with the partner applying for the co-parenting as explained above helps you get recognition in the federal government in terms of the legal parent-child relationships.

14. The adoption process continues to be the same in this case as well – a home study, the standard background check, etc.

15. The steps are no where different, yet, they become time taking & longer as in accomplished those you need to break the taboos & fight the stereo types in the society.

16. Red tapism is the real devil you have to fight against.

17. In case the judge is in your favor, the job is indeed done.

18. Else be prepared for some real friction on that front.

19. In mainstream America, these sorts of adoptions are yet a hard nut to crack and the situation seems like to stay for another few years to come.

20. The impacts of same sex parenting on the child are yet inexplicable, still, the adoptions made till date seem to be quite successful as those children have adjusted pretty well in the families.

Families come in all sizes, colors, shapes—and sexual identities. While state legislatures and courts continue to struggle with same sex marriages, civil unions, and adoptions by gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people, the states have pretty much resolved how to handle family disputes arising in these groups.

Regardless of whether “parents” are married, there are child custody laws in every state that apply to unmarried parents. When children are involved, the state asks first about who the “legal parent” is. A legal parent is generally someone who is (a) listed on a birth certificate; (b) is acknowledged after the birth of the child in an affidavit of parentage; (c) is the male spouse of a woman who was married when the child was born, and paternity of the child was not contested by the male spouse; and/or (d) is the adoptive parent of the child. In most states, custody is only determined between the legal parents. In a minority of states, a person who has established a parent/child relationship through actual possession of the child (even if he/she is not the legal or biological parent) or who has become a legal guardian may petition for custody.

Once a person establishes the right to participate in a custody proceeding by being the legal parent, the guardian, or custodian, then the “best interest factors” are usually applied without regard to the sexual identity issues. Michigan has a very specific best interest test, which includes the following factors:

a. The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parties involved and the child.

b. The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to give the child love, affection, and guidance and to continue the education and raising of the child in his or her religion or creed, if any.

c. The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized or permitted under the laws of this state in place of medical care, and other material needs.

d. The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment, and the desirability of maintaining continuity.

e. The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes.

f. The moral fitness of the parties involved.

g. The mental and physical health of the parties involved.

h. The home, school, and community record of the child.

I. The reasonable preference of the child, if the court considers the child to be of sufficient age to express preference.

j. The willingness and ability of each of the parties to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent or the child and the parents.

k. Domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against or witnessed by the child.

l. Any other factor considered by the court to be relevant to a particular child custody dispute.

(known as the “Best Interests of the Child Factors”)(MCLA 722.23). Most of the appellate courts in the United States have held that sexual identity is not a “moral factor” or a “mental health” factor. Despite this, if a parent has multiple sexual relationships, or unhealthy relationships, that will be as much an issue in the custody case as it would have been if this issue had arisen between heterosexual parents.

In one case decided by the court in Ann Arbor, MI, two women co-parented children who had been born to one of the partners after she had been artificially inseminated by a sperm donor. The women’s relationship broke down after a probate court had approved a “second parent adoption” (where the biological mother agrees to terminate her parental rights, and the two women become adoptive parents together). After several hearings, the court concluded that the non-biological mother was the superior parent, and custody was awarded to that partner. This particular case makes it clear that sexual identity (and even biological ties) are not controlling when it comes to deciding custody in this context.

I have known people from other countries who have told me that in their place of origin homosexuality was not conceived of as a noun. It has only been over time that erotic encounters with someone of the same sex has become socially constructed as a categorized form of behavior.

Regardless of whether it is a choice or not, allow me to dispel two myths about gays. The first is that they are all alike. To the contrary, they are as diverse as any population in personality, lifestyle, values, religion, intelligence, interests, character, and so forth. In careers they run the gamut covering as wide a spectrum as heterosexual persons.

Gays can be found amongst such careers as medicine, real estate, psychology, Psychiatry, hairdressing, entertainment, social work, teaching, crime, science, law, politics, and sports. The second myth is that they come to earth from a distant planet, metaphorically speaking, and have infiltrated the heterosexual world. To the contrary, gays are born amongst us. They are our daughters and sons, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, even our grandmothers and grandfathers. They are our friends and colleagues with whom we associate daily.

Many who regard homosexuality as a choice have arrived at such a conclusion by merely making a gratuitous assumption, bereft of empirical data or logically compelling argument. Some turn to the authority of scripture to buttress their position, yet the Bible says little about the subject and that is open to interpretation.

The Bible itself is rife with contradictions and inconsistencies, and not always constitutive of what the just person would regard as moral today. Many different people over a long period of time have written the Bible. As with any form of literature it is a reflection of not only the author, but the culture of the times during which it was written. From an historical perspective, religion itself has not always brought to bear beneficial influences and has all too often been responsible for bloodshed.

Those who believe that homosexuality is a choice must confront the question of why anyone would choose to be gay in the face of the sharp disapprobation and social stigma that they encounter.

Gays exist worldwide and in some countries, when known to be so, they are subject to the punishment of imprisonment or death. Gays in the United States have been subject to our countries own draconian laws, recent progress notwithstanding. Further, gays who “come out” risk rejection by and alienation from their family and friends, as well as the possibility of losing their jobs and ruining their careers. Why, indeed, would anyone choose to deal with all of this if they were not making a moral choice to live with authenticity in the way that nature has endowed them? It is here that the word “choice” is applicable.

If gay people are born naturally heterosexual, but have chosen to live in opposition to this sexual orientation, it poses the dilemma that one can freely override one of the most basic of all biological instincts. Further, believing that gays can make such a choice if born heterosexual, then it follows that all current heterosexuals can choose to abandon that orientation and elect to be gay if they wish. This premise flows inescapably from the assertion that gays choose that way of being-in-the-world.

Do heterosexuals actually experience their own self that way? The fact is that advances in neuroscience increasingly reveals biological differences between the makeup of the brain of those who are attracted primarily to the opposite sex and those who experience a predominantly same-sex orientation.

Extending beyond the sphere of humans, a description of a book by Bruce Bagemihl, a research biologist, states, “Homosexuality in its myriad forms has been scientifically documented in more than 450 species of mammals, birds reptiles, insects, and other animals worldwide…. Sexual and gender expression in the animal world displays exuberant variety, including same-sex courtship, pair-bonding, sex, and co-parenting—even instances of lifelong homosexual bonding in species that do not have lifelong heterosexual bonding” (Biological Exuberance, 1999, N.Y., St. Martin’s Press).

Are these species sinful? Are they simply social contrarians? Have they made a free choice to be the way they are, or might they not be biologically determined to behave as they do?

Many homosexuals report that they have known of their sexual proclivities from as far back as they can remember. They report discovering themselves to be that way without making any “choices.” Others have struggled in anguish to overcome such tendencies to avoid social stigma or to combat sexual strivings that run counter to their religious beliefs, only to succumb in the end, allowing their true nature to take its course, or sometimes living a life of sexual deprivation in desperation, combined with deceit and deception of self and others.

Some even marry in the hope of reversing their most deeply felt same-sex strivings, while they and their unfortunate wives sadly let the years slip by sensing that something vital is missing. This is illustrated with sorrowful splendor in the film, “Brokeback Mountain.” Other homosexuals have spent endless years and large amounts of money in psychoanalysis or psychotherapy to become heterosexual, only to end in dismal failure. Why would these gays endure such torturous experiences if they were freely choosing to be homosexual?

In conclusion, the argument seems to be that if a biological predisposition can be established, then gays are not to blame for the way they were born and live. However, it shouldn’t matter. As others have said before me, it is not the business of the government or society to regulate the sexual activities of two consenting adults, whether biologically determined or freely chosen.

How many of us have been asked the questions, “Mommy, which of us is your favorite? Who do you love more?”  As parents, we know there is only one answer to questions like these…”We love you all, equally.”

The truth is we may love each child equally, but they are not all the same.  And, at times, we may like one child’s behavior more than the other’s…the good student, the good athlete, the good manners…sometimes we can’t help ourselves, they are a reflection of the best in us, or so we hope.  Other times, they are insecure, selfish, withdrawn…and they seemingly reflect the worst in us, or so we fear.  Our constant challenge is to recognize the good and the bad in our kids and parent accordingly. If we expect our kids to be exactly the same, we’re just setting ourselves up for disappointment.  If we expect our kids to be “perfect” in our eyes, we’re setting them up for a lifetime of therapy.  We must accept that they are going to be different and love them unconditionally…and equally.

Although we’ll certainly have different opinions about the paths our kids travel in pursuit of their own life, liberty and definition of happiness, our responsibility as parents is to help shine a light for them…to help them find their own path and send them post cards of encouragement on their way.  The American ideal of “liberty and justice for all” applies to all our kids, not just our favorites.

In California, we had a ballot initiative that allowed the public to vote on the civil liberties of a minority group.  The majority voted for Prop 8, which banned gay marriage and restricted gay rights, thereby requiring the state to amend its constitution to prevent that minority group the same liberties as the majority under law.  In essence, Californians said “why can’t you be more like your brother?”  Oops, we picked favorites.

This weekend, gay rights activists were in Washington, D.C. to make sure lawmakers are still paying attention.  The reality is we should all be paying attention.  This is a civil liberties issue.  Whether or not you personally agree with the gay rights movement is really not the point…rather, do you believe you are entitled to certain rights that others should be denied?  Do you support freedom of speech even if you disagree with what someone else is saying?  Do you support freedom of religion even if you don’t agree with the way someone else worships?  Do you support someone’s right to bear arms even if you don’t like guns?  Do you believe your child’s gender, race or sexual orientation should preclude them from the same privileges under the law as someone else’s child?

Our nation has been here before…with civil rights, the women’s movement and now gay rights.  So who better than America’s moms to let our kids know that black or white, girl or boy, gay or straight we are there, supporting them and loving them…no matter what anyone else says or does.  We might not like our kids’ behavior all the time, but it is a mother’s responsibility to love them all, equally.

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The Doâ??s

Before actually coming out, you are advised to start a discussion on any gay related topic, be it a gay movie or a gay celebrity, with your peers and relatives. The reactions from them will definitely give you a clear picture of what are they going to do after hearing your situation.

Gathering information from the lives of other LGBT people who have come out is important. You can learn from their parents and friends that how they have revealed their sexuality and what was the immediate reaction.

You can also take professional help from relationship counselors who can surely make the process of coming out even easier. You may take your parents to them as well. They will teach them how to overcome depression over oneâ??s son/daughterâ??s sexuality.

Accept the initial negative reactions of the people. After a few days, you will certainly find that those who really love you are there at your side. The â??coming outâ?? process is actually an eye-opener, because it helps you to know who actually loves you and who are your true friends.

Try to be honest about your past and current relationships as far as possible. Developing the trust of your loved ones has it own positive effects.

If you already have a partner, try to emphasize on his/her qualities. To be more precise, the qualities that your parents seek in a person need to be exaggerated.

Itâ??s always better to come out after getting into a steady relationship.

Bring your partner home as your loving friend quite often before actually â??coming outâ?? in open about your â??specialâ?? relationship.

Try to make your close ones realize that being gay is no crime. It is just another form of expressing oneâ??s sexuality.

Highlight the present situation of gay people all over the world. Try to get armed with newspaper cuttings and stories that have portrayed gay lives in a positive way. You can also put forward references of married gay couples from all corners of the world.

If you know a person who is gay and has already come out, then keep him beside you during the coming out session and let your folks know how he/she is spending a truly â??happy and gayâ?? life after revealing his/ her sexual identity. Once your parents become convinced that being gay is not the end of the life and life can surely remain as rosy as ever even after coming out in open about his/her sexuality, then they will certainly come in terms with your sexuality.

Keep your cool and be calm while discussing your sexuality. Try to talk in a soft tone.

You must take a close look on the lives of your near and dear ones. Take the ups and downs of their love lives as the learning steps of your future relationship. Learn from the mistakes of other people.

A small family get-together is ideal occasion for coming out.

The Donâ??ts

Donâ??t ever blame the root cause of your sexual orientation on your parents.

Please donâ??t take any drastic step and disclose your sexual preference all of a sudden.

You must not shy away from being true to your own identity. The life you have led for so long and all the happiness and sorrow associated with it should be revealed step by step.

Donâ??t ever try to make up stories to draw attention or sympathy.

Choosing a special occasion like â??Christmas Dayâ?? for coming out is not at all welcome. That can mar the spirit of the joyous occasion abruptly.

Donâ??t try to cut off relationships with your relatives after watching their initial reactions. You should give them some time for accepting the reality.

Donâ??t initially unveil such behaviors of your partner that wonâ??t be approved by your parents.

Never get impatient and donâ??t rush to any conclusion. Never ever leave your home in a rage.

Donâ??t get afraid easily. Try to gather all your courage and answer all the questions one by one.

Donâ??t ever force one to accept your sexuality. Just tell them what you are and now itâ??s up to them whether they will still love you.

Please donâ??t give up the idea of having children. Put examples of adoptions taken by gay parents and try to make them believe that you are going to become a proud father someday, though not biologically. Once your parents understand that there is chance of becoming grandparents, they will not prevent you from starting a relationship with your partner.

Donâ??t ever come out with the help of a 3rd party. Thereâ??s nothing more disheartening than letting your parents know about your sexual preference from the mouth of another person.

Letâ??s hope, you have learnt the tricks of â??coming outâ?? and now, you are confident enough to come out in open. Wishing you all the best!!!

Like the heterosexual couples, there are millions of gay people in the world who long to have child. The dreams are often unrealized due to the incapacity to access proper treatment!   With the help of advanced medical science as well as genuinely courteous treatment at XPert Fertility Care, located in San Diego and Orange County, it is now possible to get the solution of almost all the problems for gay couples.

At XPert Fertility Care in Orange County and San Diego, California, the infertility doctors firmly believe that the right to reproduce is a sacred liberty shared by all, irrespective of their sexual orientation. They offer a full range of services for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender family building through IVF, egg donation, and surrogacy.

The IVF procedure involves three main steps: medically induced production of eggs by by ovulation induction of the egg donor, the creation and development of embryos through the harvesting and fertilizing of the eggs in the IVF laboratory, and lastly, the transfer and implantation of the embryos into the uterus of a surrogate carrier.

The gay couples have the ability to choose either using sperms from one partner or both. Some do so by mixing their sperm before fertilization, while others opt to fertilize half the eggs with each sperm sample, so that the paternity of each embryo can be known, and the children can be chosen accordingly.

At XPert Fertility Care IVF clinics, more than 70% of egg donation or surrogacy IVF procedures yield successful pregnancies.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), the leading voice in reproductive medicine, reminded fertility specialists of the ethical duty to treat persons with equal respect. It requires that fertility programs treat single persons and gay and lesbian couples equally with married couples in determining which services to provide.

Some claim a child raised by two dads or two moms is unhealthy. However, this perception is unsubstantiated. In fact, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM),  found no “persuasive evidence that children raised by single parents or by gays or lesbians are harmed or disadvantaged by that fact alone, the Committee concluded that clinics have an ethical obligation to treat all requests for assisted reproduction equally, without regard to marital status or sexual orientation.”

There are several reasons why IVF clinics at Xpert Fertility Care of California  deserved as the best places where same sex couples can have the ivf pregnancy.

Surety for best treatment: The main reason why most of the people choose Xpert Fertility Care of California for ivf pregnancy is that it provides surety for the best outcome with  impeccable IVF pregnancy success rates.

Reasonable prices: Xpert Fertility Care of California guarantees its work with Refundable IVF programs, Low Multiple IVF Packages. Unlike other clinics where people care more about the money than the care itself, at Xpert Fertility Care of California, the motive of this fertility clinic is to deliver an unbeatable quality of care at a reasonable IVF cost.