Negative Thoughts

I have a theory, about why people hate others, why others annoy us, why we don’t like some people. It is also the reason why we sometimes get laden with feelings of sadness, annoyance, depression, and negativity. I’ve observed my own thoughts and reactions, and have come up with this:

What bothers, irks, and annoys us, the things that infuriate us, are the elements of ourselves and our lives that we are unsatisfied with. We see them in other people and in the world around us, they remind of us of their presence in our own lives, and it makes us angry and sad.

I am generally a placid person. I love to listen and observe. To act as a wallflower is a hobby. It is very rare that a person can truly anger me, can truly push my buttons. There is one individual, however, who is capable of doing this with effective precision: my sister.

There are a few reasons for this. We grew up together, and have been in each other’s lives since the beginning. Thus, it is natural that we understand the ins and outs of one another, each and every tic and action that can annoy, bother, frustrate, and enrage the other, the weaknesses and insecurities, the spots where we are vulnerable.

It is because she knows those shortcomings of mine, those which leave me most insecure and which I am least capable of owning up to and accepting, that she is so capable of hurting me. In an argument she finds where I’m susceptible and strikes with accuracy.

Other people in my life don’t know me as well. They don’t know of these shortcomings and insecurities. But every person I meet is flawed like I am, with imperfections in their characters. They, too, are people. We are all similar to one another, and because there is so much overlap, it happens often that I encounter others who share the same tendencies to make identical mistakes or who do things that remind me of my flaws and dissatisfaction with my character. When a person or something annoys me, this is the reason: I see a flaw of my own, or something that reminds me of these things I perceive as my deficiencies, and it bothers me.

I am shy. Like most people I find it difficult to speak to someone new at a party, especially when I find them attractive and interesting. Sometimes I get frustrated, sometimes I find my mind ascribing negativities to that person: they’re not worth talking to, they’re below me, they’re dumb. None of these are true. It’s merely a defense mechanism, my mind’s way of deflecting the fact that I’m disappointed in myself for not finding the courage to talk to them.

Likewise: sometimes I feel lonely. I eat lunch in my school’s food center, where there are students and people in large numbers around me. Everyone groups with their friends and eats together; they converse, and laugh, and enjoy each other. I look around and every now and then, when I’m feeling lonesome, it magnifies my negative emotions. My mind fires critical thoughts: they’re all stupid, all boring and average, content to be the same as everyone else. This is absurd. It’s merely a method of numbing and disguising the loneliness and pain I feel.

With other people it’s no different. We all harbor dissatisfaction with our own lives, and none of us have perfected our character to the point of having eliminated all the things we see in it as flawed. What comes next can differ: sometimes I catch the negative thoughts as they surface and can then and there ascribe them to their source. Other times it becomes internal dishonesty, staying inside, latent. I lie to myself and the source remains active: not the world or people around me, but myself.

This isn’t an explanation for all the problems and woes of the world. But as you go through the day, and find yourself bothered or frustrated or annoyed, pause and breathe, and consider the cause. Look within yourself for the source.