I have a theory, about why people hate others, why others annoy us, why we don’t like some people. It is also the reason why we sometimes get laden with feelings of sadness, annoyance, depression, and negativity. I’ve observed my own thoughts and reactions, and have come up with this:

What bothers, irks, and annoys us, the things that infuriate us, are the elements of ourselves and our lives that we are unsatisfied with. We see them in other people and in the world around us, they remind of us of their presence in our own lives, and it makes us angry and sad.

I am generally a placid person. I love to listen and observe. To act as a wallflower is a hobby. It is very rare that a person can truly anger me, can truly push my buttons. There is one individual, however, who is capable of doing this with effective precision: my sister.

There are a few reasons for this. We grew up together, and have been in each other’s lives since the beginning. Thus, it is natural that we understand the ins and outs of one another, each and every tic and action that can annoy, bother, frustrate, and enrage the other, the weaknesses and insecurities, the spots where we are vulnerable.

It is because she knows those shortcomings of mine, those which leave me most insecure and which I am least capable of owning up to and accepting, that she is so capable of hurting me. In an argument she finds where I’m susceptible and strikes with accuracy.

Other people in my life don’t know me as well. They don’t know of these shortcomings and insecurities. But every person I meet is flawed like I am, with imperfections in their characters. They, too, are people. We are all similar to one another, and because there is so much overlap, it happens often that I encounter others who share the same tendencies to make identical mistakes or who do things that remind me of my flaws and dissatisfaction with my character. When a person or something annoys me, this is the reason: I see a flaw of my own, or something that reminds me of these things I perceive as my deficiencies, and it bothers me.

I am shy. Like most people I find it difficult to speak to someone new at a party, especially when I find them attractive and interesting. Sometimes I get frustrated, sometimes I find my mind ascribing negativities to that person: they’re not worth talking to, they’re below me, they’re dumb. None of these are true. It’s merely a defense mechanism, my mind’s way of deflecting the fact that I’m disappointed in myself for not finding the courage to talk to them.

Likewise: sometimes I feel lonely. I eat lunch in my school’s food center, where there are students and people in large numbers around me. Everyone groups with their friends and eats together; they converse, and laugh, and enjoy each other. I look around and every now and then, when I’m feeling lonesome, it magnifies my negative emotions. My mind fires critical thoughts: they’re all stupid, all boring and average, content to be the same as everyone else. This is absurd. It’s merely a method of numbing and disguising the loneliness and pain I feel.

With other people it’s no different. We all harbor dissatisfaction with our own lives, and none of us have perfected our character to the point of having eliminated all the things we see in it as flawed. What comes next can differ: sometimes I catch the negative thoughts as they surface and can then and there ascribe them to their source. Other times it becomes internal dishonesty, staying inside, latent. I lie to myself and the source remains active: not the world or people around me, but myself.

This isn’t an explanation for all the problems and woes of the world. But as you go through the day, and find yourself bothered or frustrated or annoyed, pause and breathe, and consider the cause. Look within yourself for the source.

For me, just about the most infuriating thing is people who use lies or made-up information in arguments and discussions. This happens quite often, and we can all be guilty of it. There are, however, those that do it for a living or, whose only skill it seems to be. Homosexuals are very often a victim of this. Here are eight lies about gay people. I’ll discuss these untruths by comparing them with another perspective.

1. Being gay is unnatural = Gauges are unnatural

Look at some of these people. Body modification is a personal choice, and I think every person is beautiful no matter how they look or what they do. Yet I wouldn’t hesitate to say that between the sexual feelings one is born with and somehow inserting very large pieces of metal underneath one’s skin, the latter might be well classified as less natural. In fact one must ask, what is natural? Much of what modern humans do – including being gay and extreme piercings, are not new phenomena. There have been always been gay people; homosexuality existed long before we evolved. Piercings are and have been practiced by people all over the world for thousands of years. To claim either is unnatural seems to contradict the facts.

2. Being gay is a disorder = Hate and bigotry are a disorder

What is a disorder? How do we determine if something about somebody is a trait, a talent or gift, or a disorder? These are all very broad terms. For these purposes I’ll think of disorder as something that causes negativity, suffering, and emotional or physical pain. If these are our criteria, hate of others, and arbitrary prejudices are much more a disorder than being gay is. If people weren’t preoccupied with judging, despising, criticizing, condemning, and writing off others based on one factor of their person, just about all our problems might be solved. If people weren’t gay, on the other hand, the only difference would be that hateful people would focus their attention on someone else.

3. Gays can’t commit to relationships = Celebrities can’t commit to relationships

Gays are often criticized for being unable to form long term, committed, mature relationships. If you look at celebrities, however, this is also not the case. In fact, there are industries worldwide devoted to how fickle and irresponsible these people are. They are even idolized for it. Were one of the E Channel’s “stars” to marry and divorce in a time span of three months, they’d receive a show, a cover on People magazine, and television specials. And let us not forget that half of all straight marriages end in divorce. I think that all people have trouble committing to relationships, and gay people are certainly no better or worse than straight people. I don’t even understand the critique here – at the worst, that gay people aren’t perfect? Last I checked, no one is perfect.

4. God hates gay people = God hates himself

In the world’s two largest propagators of homophobia (Christianity and Islam), God is more than just a symbol, or being responsible for just one thing, such as the sun, fertility, or crops. God is the creator of everything, and is everything. He knows all and controls all. He was personally responsible in creating and designing every quark of our bodies and our earth, and He loves us as He created us. Why is it then, that these religions are the source so much hate, and condemnation of something they themselves believe to be God’s work? God did not create things he despises and did not want to exist. Those teaching otherwise, are lost and have forgotten God and God’s love.

5. All gay men are feminine = All Japanese men are feminine

Many dye their hair, have cute dolls on their cell phones, and wear makeup. They often pay as much attention to their outfits, if not more, than their female counterparts. Yet any sensible person knows that to define an entire population based on a few conspicuous individuals is foolish. Furthermore it must also be considered what feminine and masculine are – in Japanese culture, these things are often not considered womanly or girly. Like all the cultures, societies, and peoples of this world, the Japanese have their own standards and conceptions of what “feminine” and “masculine” are. Gay men are as varied as any other population – some correspond more to an American idea of femininity, while others are metalheads, businessmen, motorcycle enthusiasts, or anything else you can think of. Any judgment about a worldwide group of individuals coming from all societies, communities, and walks of life is simply absurd.

6. HIV is a gay disease = Syphilis is a straight disease

Where syphilis arose is unknown. But it spread throughout the world through the ships of explorers and colonizers; straight individuals carried it. During WWII it had grown into a threat, as servicemen and women sought an escape and the disease spread amongst them: the US carried out campaigns (here’s one and a second) during the war to help prevent further infections. When an STI spreads through the heterosexual population steps are taken to counteract it – when it spreads among homosexuals they should be blamed for it? Proponents of these mentality – that HIV is a gay disease, are blindly ignorant.  HIV knows not gay, straight, black, white. It has ravaged Africa and established itself in heterosexual and homosexual populations across the world. Those who write it off as a “gay disease” should be ashamed of themselves. HIV destroys lives, families, parents, and children across the world, regardless of the perception ignorant people hold of it; it is these perceptions which have and will hold us back from making progress in fighting this horrible thing.

7. Being gay is a choice = Being straight is a choice

I’ve often heard straight men say they’d love to be gay. They’d be free of incomprehensible women, of seeking to navigate the vast discrepancies between themselves and womankind. They look at being gay and believe there to be lots of perks: having sex easily, more common ground, less drama. This is often in jest, and if not, it must be understood that being gay doesn’t make dating and sex any easier than being straight. This goes to demonstrate, however, that sexuality is not something one can choose. Countless gay youths have spent months and years praying and wishing and hoping every day to change – and it never works. If our sexuality could be changed and switched by choice, why don’t people do it? It’s simple – because it’s not possible.

8. All gay people are ____

There are very few things one can put in the blank with creating a fallacy. Thinking about it, I can find only a couple words that truly fits: human, possessors of a body, and perhaps a redundant “gay” works. Apart from that, there is too much diversity and disparity among homosexuals for pigeonholing or the creating of some common category. Homosexuals are as diverse as all other people, in their sexuality, personalities, histories, ethnicities and birthplaces, religious backgrounds, desires, dreams. Anyone who claims a gay person must be _____ simply because they are gay is horribly ignorant.